Misunderstandings – Christopher Breedlove
To be adopted is to be misunderstood. Some think we are trying to replace them, while others think that we are ungrateful. In the midst of misunderstandings we are entitled to our past and Im here to remind you that your past is equally as important as where you are going. In my personal adoption journey I have struggled to be understood by both parts of my families, adoptive and biological. What has helped me the most is learning to let go of the need to be understood, and removing the idea of expectation.
Sometimes we “expect” our parents (adoptive or birth) to behave a certain way because they are given the “title” of our parent. A new mantra that I have been focusing on lately and helps me to some degree is REMOVE THE TITLE, ASSESS THE ACTION. Sometimes in addition to removing the need to expect something, also comes with analyzing what people are showing you with their actions.
As an adoptee I notice for me personally, a few things I need is a lot of nurturing, reassurance and emotional accountability. Emotional accountability to me is addressing your wrong doings and taking ownership over actions/words etc —If your emotions are being dismissed, causing you to feel misunderstood, take some time for yourself and ask yourself are those around you trying to understand you or are they committed to misunderstanding you based off of their own discomfort? Keep marching soldier, you are an adoptee, a warrior and fighter… In the midst of misunderstandings, we owe it to ourselves to understand ourselves and our past.