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Vesna’s Journey

My names Vesna Pilachevska. I’m 28yrs old I live in Sydney Australia. I was adopted from Veles, North Macedonia when I was only 2 days old. My adoption story is quite long and very different to everyone that has shared so far. My adoption was arranged when my birth mother found out she was pregnant at 5 months. My biological dad and her were in a 4yr relationship and back in Macedonia the younger male generation had to go to the army to serve their country so they kinda split ways and she found a new guy while being heavily pregnant. She had no support system around her. My grandparents wouldn’t take her in, especially when she’s not married with a baby.

They were both young and in their 20s. She made the effort to go to where he was based at the time to tell my birth father that she was expecting a child that it was his. He didn’t believe her as she had a new partner at the time so the whole city was talking that it wasn’t his child. The grandparents also as a family. They decided to go to my birth dads house to speak on how everything was going to go and they didn’t want a bar of it. They hid my dad in a room and said that it’s not his child and back then they didn’t really know what a DNA test was and in Macedonia, I don’t think they would even had that option. They decided it was too late by this stage.

People were noticing in the city she was pregnant and that was a humiliation for my grandparents. They decided to send my birth mum to live with her aunty in city called Bitola. Long story short, my adoptive parents are also Macedonian and from that city, but as young teens they both moved here in Sydney, Australia and knew her doctor that her aunty arranged. One night my parents received a call from the Dr saying we have this young girl that’s really confused on what to do. She would love to give her child up for adoption but does not want the child to be placed with just anyone and also was opposed to be placed in an orphanage.

My parents were thrilled after 17 years of trying to have a child. They booked tickets straight away and just waited on the call for me to be born and for her to make a final decision. They didn’t have contact with my birth mum and they decided it was going to be closed. The Dr showed her photos of where I would live and the life they would offer me and that was her only option at that stage. I spent two days just with my birth mum and everything was signed off and adoptive parents welcomed me with open arms. All my grandparents and extended family were all so excited for my parents and we stayed in Macedonia for few months while until I got my Australian citizenship and passport.My parents never shared I was adopted. It was a big secret in the family and I never got to hear my story they way most adoptees are told. My husband actually was the one who told me. A mutual friend had told him everything about me and came home really stressed and he obviously had to process it before he could tell me one night. We had a nice dinner and parked up at our house in the dark and he said Vesna, I need to tell you something important and then he told me. I was shocked confused and at first I thought no way your making this up.

The more I thought it, the more things made sense. I always had a funny feeling about my birth photo. I always knew there was a weird story behind it all but I just never asked. I confronted my parents and my mum didn’t cope so well. My dad told me everything from what he knew. 23 years of my life came crashing down all at once. I didn’t know who I was any more. I suddenly thought I have been living a lie this entire time. It was the most hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through and still going through. It mentally played a lot of with me as person and for my identity for the first 12months of knowing. I really kept quiet about the adoption. I didn’t really share much and had any thoughts until it processed. I started to get bit older and just curious. 2018 was when I began the search for birth mum. On the 23rd of December 2020, I found my birth mum, birth dad ,two half brothers and two half sisters . My story is very different and I hope maybe this may help others that are afraid to talk about theirs.- Vesna Pilachevska

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