There Is No Grieving Without Feeling (Pt. III)
The first part of healing is being open, addressing the things that make you feel uncomfortable and to actually process one’s feelings. Then, it’s important to feel the actual feeling because if you are not open how can you expect to heal and expect other results to the parts that hurt. The feeling never goes away unless it’s addressed. The longer one dismisses the issue the longer one will have to wait before one actually starts the healing process. Then, they will wonder when they are much older ‘why am I the person I am today full of anger and bitterness.’
It’s important to allow the time to feel the emotions which you feel because it’s okay and they are valid. It’s important to identify the issue and then accept it but most of all do not allow yourself to go backwards into the negative emotions and thoughts.
“What comes out of your body will not make you ill, what stays in will.” ~Edith Eger Holocaust Survivor and psychologist
Healing doesn’t happen overnight. It’s not like you get up one day and say I’m at the point where I feel healed or I am healed because it doesn’t work like that no matter how much you want it to go away. It’s a matter of how much it hurts and how much power you let it have and take control over you.
It’s necessary to go through that period of rage but it’s important to not get stuck there forever. I’ve noticed that some people focus and are obsessed by anger and the past but unfortunately anger and living in the past constantly is destructive.
When I initially sought contact with my birth mother in recent times (2020-2022) I was still hurting and grieving due to my birth family’s treatment of me. Those feelings I had were still with me and raw whilst I was having contact even if it was virtually. In this reunion with my birth mother things didn’t get easier at all. In fact, in a way it was much harder in recent times because one has to face the person after the way they’ve treated me and all the bad things that have happened.
“Grieving is difficult, but it can also feel good. You can revisit the past. You can even embrace it. You’re not stuck there. You’re here now. And you’re strong.” ~Edith Eger Holocaust Survivor and psychologist
It’s important to believe in yourself and that positivity will come your way but more so surround yourself with those who care, love and those who give positive energy to you. Remember forgiveness is key to healing. Without forgiveness in your life, life in general will be really hard and miserable.
I went through a healing process just to recover from everything I was hearing from everyone but also the traumas I’ve experienced, and it sure did take time. It took me twenty-four years to actually begin my healing journey. I was only ready then not before. It was not easy to accept what was the truth in regards to some difficult information I was hearing. This was a period of adjustment.
“We do not change until we’re ready. But readiness doesn’t come from the outside, and it can’t be rushed or forced. You’re ready when you’re ready, when something inside shifts and you decide, until now I did that. Now I’m going to do something else.” ~Edith Eger Holocaust Survivor and psychologist